My Mom and Birthdays
This coming September 5th, 2024 is my mom’s birthday. This is the first one without her, the first time in my entire life we won’t be able to celebrate with her. With that context, and with the loss of her still very heavy on my heart, I decided to write down my thoughts to honor her memory as best I can.
My mom loved birthdays. While most of us approach our birthdays with varying levels of enthusiasm, Mom was always guaranteed to “bring it” full force. no “cheaping-out”, no downplaying – you had no choice. If you were someone important to her, you would get the maximum effort and acknowledgement of your special day – whether you liked it or not. If you put up a fight, she’d only do it harder. Now, as I look back fondly on those memories, I can only love her and miss her more every day for who she was.
I remember my birthdays when I was little for me and my sister, Julie. Family birthday parties with presents, cards, cake, candles, the pictures, the Happy Birthday song TWICE (once with God bless you at the end) – no effort spared for our “special day”. We would get to pick the meal of our choice – in my case, usually English muffin pizzas or the rare French toast for dinner. I can remember the cakes she made for me - covered in hot wheel cars or even one with a football field and players – always accompanied by masculine-colored flowers and trim using her frosting attachments. Thanks Mom, for always making our birthdays as a child memorable and special. What a lucky kid I was to have a mom like you.
I remember birthdays when I was a little older and thought I was too cool for birthdays, wanting to avoid the singing, the cake, and the parties. Undeterred, she did the parties, the cake, and the singing (twice) anyway. In the pictures you can see my smile despite myself, and hers too. Thanks Mom, for allowing me to act cool and aloof about my birthday, while knowing that I secretly enjoyed it, and needed it. And thanks for making me read the card.
I remember birthdays when I was married and had kids. Predictably, everyone got the same exact birthday treatment – birthday extravaganza x 6. She was there for each of the kids’ 1st birthdays – planning, food, cakes, presents, etc. – up and through their own adulthood. Each party was a unique and special event in its own way – from Princesses to Power Rangers. Thanks Mom, for making all those parties special and full of memories – especially when we were starting out and money was tight.
I remember more recent family birthdays that included the spouses of my kids and their children (our grandchildren, her great-grandchildren). Birthday extravaganzas x 15 – with Mom insisting on participating and attending all events. She’d show up dressed to the 9’s, with immaculately wrapped presents and a custom “made by Mary” card. From being a patient at Aubrey’s “Doctor” party to pretending to understand Landon’s “Iron Man” party, thank you Mom, for wanting to be involved in everything and for always making the extra special effort.
I remember just a few years ago I mentioned in passing to her how much I used to love that zebra cake she used to make when I was a kid. Not sure if most will remember, but this is the “cake” that used to be made with packs of chocolate wafers and cool whip – when combined in a layered fashion the chocolate would soften to form a cake – thus the zebra cake. Soon after that, when I showed up in Prescott Valley around my birthday, there was a beautiful zebra cake waiting for me. And it was as delicious as I remembered it – if not more so. Thanks Mom, for always remembering those little details that you knew would make me happy.
My last conversation with my mom, she spent half the conversation pestering me about when we could get together so that she could give Dee her birthday present. She said she had been working on something special that Dee would like and was anxious to give it to her. I told her we would do it very soon. Two days later, Mom was taken to heaven. When we went up to Prescott Valley the next weekend to help clean out her workshop, Dee found the beautiful custom card and decorative pot she had made for her. Made using the craft supplies Dee had given her on other occasions. Of course, as they all did, the card came with a hand-written note. The note told Dee how much she loved and appreciated her - and thought of her as her adopted daughter. I know Dee will treasure that note forever. Thanks Mom, for loving and caring for all of us so much – even to the end.
Since Mom and I both shared a love of movies, I’ll end with this. At the end of the movie Tombstone, Wyatt Earp says to Doc Holliday “Thanks for always being there, Doc”.
So Mom – thanks for ALWAYS being there. We love you and miss you every single day.
-Your son, John
